The First Date: Fern's Adventures: Three

Fern gets ready for a first date.

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Fern turned around once more for PBNJ.

“How about this one?” he asked the dog sitting on his bed, and the dog happily barked in response. Fern nodded. “I agree, this is the one. Great minds think alike.” He gives PBNJ a pat on the head.

Fern was running first date outfit ideas by his new family member. He had recently joined Tinder and had a date with someone tonight. He hadn’t been on a date since he was still “straight” in high school and his mom drove him to the date.

PBNJ rolled around on the bed as Fern now went to put his Docs on (which matched every outfit he wore). He had on a red flannel, which a black band tee from some random concert he went to and black ripped straight leg jeans. He debated wearing fishnets under the ripped jeans but didn’t want to scare the guy off.

He looked in the mirror and decided he looked too 2014 5SOS (not that he didn’t love the look, he just wanted something else for a first date) and began tearing off his flannel and shirt.

Instead, he chose a black pullover that said “Trick or Treat People with Kindness” in orange lettering, paired with a fake collar to give a chicer look. PBNJ barked.

“You’re right, need to change the pants,” Fern replied and slipped out of the jeans. Instead, he opted for some plaid pants, which he strategically tucked the sweatshirt into. He sinched it with a belt and finished it off with his Docs, which really tied it together this time.

He started adding accessories since half his face would be covered by a mask 90% of the time – accessories were almost required. They had met online, so his first impression would be dulled by the mask. So, he had to glam it back up with anything else he could.

He of course added all his bracelets to his wrists, ranging from one that just had a skateboarding frog to one that just had “boobs” on it in those letters you make friendship bracelets with. Then he added his million rings, including mostly astrology-based ones but one was a cat noir ring from Miraculous.

Last he added his favorite chain necklace, no pendant and was satisfied with the look. He used hairspray to fluff his hair a little and put his pure black mask on to make sure the outfit still looked good.

PBNJ barked again.

“I know I’m hot,” Fern laughed, taking his mask off and sitting next to PBNJ. “Hey, no matter what, you’re my first guy,” he reassured before giving him lots of kisses, which PBNJ returned (with some bad breath involved).

Ferns phone alarm went off and he got off the bed and gave PBNJ a pat.

“I’ll be back in a couple hours. If I’m not back by midnight, call the cops,” Fern paused, remembering all the Crime Junkie episodes he listened to. “Actually, they will just tell you I have to be gone for 24 hours before they can file a missing persons report so… call in 24 hours.”

PBNJ panted with not a thought in his head.

Fern grabbed his beloved tote bag, gave PBNJ one more kiss, and left for his first date during the pandemic.

Tyler stood him up, by the way.